The wait is killing me. I, like most people, like instant gratification. If I do something, I want the results to be instantaneous. The website should load as soon as I click the link, I buy something, it should be in my possession immediately. It is just how society is, and for once, I fit into the norms.
I have been spending a disgusting amount of time on Modern Vespa, researching and learning more about Vespas and scootering in general. The more time I spend on there, the more I get excited for my Vespa. The dealer is waiting on parts, and I know I need to be patient, obviously I want it fixed, and fixed correctly, but the wait is torture. Regardless the weather has been too wet or too chilly to ride, that right now the scooter is nice and warm and happy in the climate controlled dealership, I still want to have it. I keep picturing myself riding around, enjoying my new toy. And I want that happiness, these days I am pretty miserable.
Hopefully in the next week I will be united with my scooter, and the fun times that it promises.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Blargh
I basically had today off. Worked from 6:00am to 7:45am. It was semi decent out, windy and cool, but sunny. I have plenty of things that I could do around the house. I have a immense stash of craft supplies and all the inspiration I could ever need on Pinterest. Obviously I have a boatload, or maybe a Titanic load of time to kill, especially this week. But no, instead I have crawled the internet, researching Vespas, puttering around on Facebook and Pinterest, all while watching mindless TV. I have plenty of DVR to catch up on in the living room, shows that i enjoy and follow. Instead I am laying in bed, watching my latest addictions of Animal Cops and the Discovery Health channel. Speaking of which, the show "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant" scares the ever living shit out of me. Damn, I have a wedding to plan and make stuff for, what more motivation could I need?
I wish I knew how to get motivated, because I have wasted this entire day when I could have done something other than just laying here. I eat in lunch on the bed, I eat dinner in the bed, I lay on the bed. It is now hard for me to eat sitting up, I like to lay down on my side and eat. It's a wonder I am not 500lbs! Luckily I am not snacking all day. I just have no energy. Everyone has told me if I just suck it up and get moving, the energy will come. Well, it's easy to tell someone that, it is much harder to be the one who has to actually act on it. My joints hurt, but as I'm told, they will feel better if I use them. Yeah, some may feel better, but others don't. We have had crazy rain yesterday, and laying here on a laptop is definitely not ergonomically friendly. I am not even sure an electric cattle prod would get me up and moving. Nothing seems to make me want to move.
On a happier note, I am really hoping to get a Vespa. This Vespa in particular. It a 2004 ET4 150. I am selling my motorcycle because it is just too much to handle (see the previous paragraph), and I never ride it. The scooter is a heck of a lot easier to deal with and just over half the weight of the bike. I am really hoping to get a call saying it's all set to go, but I am very worried there will be some sort of a problem that will prevent me from getting the bike. :-\ Good things don't work out like I expect them to, so I am just laying here, waiting for the disappointment.
I wish I knew how to get motivated, because I have wasted this entire day when I could have done something other than just laying here. I eat in lunch on the bed, I eat dinner in the bed, I lay on the bed. It is now hard for me to eat sitting up, I like to lay down on my side and eat. It's a wonder I am not 500lbs! Luckily I am not snacking all day. I just have no energy. Everyone has told me if I just suck it up and get moving, the energy will come. Well, it's easy to tell someone that, it is much harder to be the one who has to actually act on it. My joints hurt, but as I'm told, they will feel better if I use them. Yeah, some may feel better, but others don't. We have had crazy rain yesterday, and laying here on a laptop is definitely not ergonomically friendly. I am not even sure an electric cattle prod would get me up and moving. Nothing seems to make me want to move.
On a happier note, I am really hoping to get a Vespa. This Vespa in particular. It a 2004 ET4 150. I am selling my motorcycle because it is just too much to handle (see the previous paragraph), and I never ride it. The scooter is a heck of a lot easier to deal with and just over half the weight of the bike. I am really hoping to get a call saying it's all set to go, but I am very worried there will be some sort of a problem that will prevent me from getting the bike. :-\ Good things don't work out like I expect them to, so I am just laying here, waiting for the disappointment.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Exhaustion
I like sleep, a lot. Actually I love sleep. Lately, it is all I want to do. When I wake up in the morning, I can't wait until bedtime, so I can go to sleep. I don't know why I like sleep so much, it doesn't make me feel better. I am completely exhausted all the time. It's not right.
I sleep all night. If I don't have to go to work I often sleep 10-12 hours. I wake up tired. If I sleep 8-10 hours, I wake up tired. I don't really snore, I do toss and turn. I am a heavy sleeper. We like to joke a bomb could go off and I would sleep through it. The fiancé goes to work early in the morning (between 2am to 3:45am) and I sleep right through it almost every night.
I never used to nap, now it seems I nap all the time, any chance I get. Anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. They rarely help me feel better, usually I just get dizzy and crappy feeling. I am drowsy when I shouldn't be. My caffeine addiction is getting worse because I am trying to combat this constant tiredness. The caffeine doesn't really help much anymore. The drowsiness is a very persistent enemy. There seems to be nothing that can make it go away or prevent it.
Ugh. It is very frustrating.
I sleep all night. If I don't have to go to work I often sleep 10-12 hours. I wake up tired. If I sleep 8-10 hours, I wake up tired. I don't really snore, I do toss and turn. I am a heavy sleeper. We like to joke a bomb could go off and I would sleep through it. The fiancé goes to work early in the morning (between 2am to 3:45am) and I sleep right through it almost every night.
I never used to nap, now it seems I nap all the time, any chance I get. Anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours. They rarely help me feel better, usually I just get dizzy and crappy feeling. I am drowsy when I shouldn't be. My caffeine addiction is getting worse because I am trying to combat this constant tiredness. The caffeine doesn't really help much anymore. The drowsiness is a very persistent enemy. There seems to be nothing that can make it go away or prevent it.
Ugh. It is very frustrating.
Monday, April 9, 2012
The Past
The past, by definition has gone by and no longer exists. Everyone has millions of memories of the past, good and bad, happy and sad. It's part of life. We also have memories that we attempt to forget, memories we try to lock into a vault and intend for them to stay there. Normally those are bad memories, but in my case, I have some very very happy memories that I had thought I had locked in that vault.
You probably wonder why I have happy memories that I don't want to remember, well, that is complicated and not something I want to share with the interwebz and everyone on it. Just take my word that those memories needed to go away so that I could move on with my life. I thought I had done well locking them away. Every once in a while a memory would pop up, but quickly got put back where they belong, out of my head. I would move on and be just fine.
Well lately, it seems there was a massive failure of that vault and the ninjas were able to completely broke down it's defenses. My brain has been flooded with the memories I try so hard to forget. When I am idle, my mind has been racing, thinking about those memories. Trying to sleep is a challenge for the first time in a very very long time. I am constantly reminding myself there was a reason I got out of that situation, that I have everything I ever could want now.
It's so hard, especially now I travel all over the state, often past places that have one of those memories attached to them. It hurts. I am hoping that construction of that vault will be completed soon, because this is taking its toll on me. I don't want to be depressed. I want to make new happy memories, not stay trapped in the past.
You probably wonder why I have happy memories that I don't want to remember, well, that is complicated and not something I want to share with the interwebz and everyone on it. Just take my word that those memories needed to go away so that I could move on with my life. I thought I had done well locking them away. Every once in a while a memory would pop up, but quickly got put back where they belong, out of my head. I would move on and be just fine.
Well lately, it seems there was a massive failure of that vault and the ninjas were able to completely broke down it's defenses. My brain has been flooded with the memories I try so hard to forget. When I am idle, my mind has been racing, thinking about those memories. Trying to sleep is a challenge for the first time in a very very long time. I am constantly reminding myself there was a reason I got out of that situation, that I have everything I ever could want now.
It's so hard, especially now I travel all over the state, often past places that have one of those memories attached to them. It hurts. I am hoping that construction of that vault will be completed soon, because this is taking its toll on me. I don't want to be depressed. I want to make new happy memories, not stay trapped in the past.
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