The past, by definition has gone by and no longer exists. Everyone has millions of memories of the past, good and bad, happy and sad. It's part of life. We also have memories that we attempt to forget, memories we try to lock into a vault and intend for them to stay there. Normally those are bad memories, but in my case, I have some very very happy memories that I had thought I had locked in that vault.
You probably wonder why I have happy memories that I don't want to remember, well, that is complicated and not something I want to share with the interwebz and everyone on it. Just take my word that those memories needed to go away so that I could move on with my life. I thought I had done well locking them away. Every once in a while a memory would pop up, but quickly got put back where they belong, out of my head. I would move on and be just fine.
Well lately, it seems there was a massive failure of that vault and the ninjas were able to completely broke down it's defenses. My brain has been flooded with the memories I try so hard to forget. When I am idle, my mind has been racing, thinking about those memories. Trying to sleep is a challenge for the first time in a very very long time. I am constantly reminding myself there was a reason I got out of that situation, that I have everything I ever could want now.
It's so hard, especially now I travel all over the state, often past places that have one of those memories attached to them. It hurts. I am hoping that construction of that vault will be completed soon, because this is taking its toll on me. I don't want to be depressed. I want to make new happy memories, not stay trapped in the past.
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